Your Motive

I don’t know anything. I’m no master of philosophy. Not a college trained nutritionist. Not an experienced physical trainer. Not a journeyman musician. Most certainly not a successful author. Can’t be sure I’ve hit middle age yet. I’m barely qualified to give an opinion; it could be different tomorrow. People do better when they don’t follow my advice; best I can do is help them make up their own minds. So what are you doing here?

Entertainment? I post moments out of my life. Random actions and thoughts. You disassociate, treat it like reality TV. A reprieve from your own life. Or allow yourself to become invested. I become a story, where you know the protagonist. You cry and laugh harder because you know the truth behind the scene. What it takes to bring you comedy, drama, a smile or tear.

Support? You want to see me succeed. You know me, and care what happens. You want me to be happy. Or because it could be you. You’re a bit more selfish. You want to see someone you know achieve their goals. Shows that maybe you can achieve yours. It’s not out of reach for you. I’m a test case. See if I fail, then don’t repeat my mistakes. Maybe it’s not too late after all.

Hate? Maybe you don’t like me. I’ve said and done a lot. I’m not an apologetic or guilt ridden person. Not everything will please everyone. I accept that, but maybe you haven’t. Now is your chance to see me fail. A public forum for you to point your finger and laugh. I become the antagonist, and you the hero with wisdom and the catchphrase “I told you so” emblazoned on your chest.

I’m questioning your motives, but the truth is I’m deflecting. I don’t feel right. Don’t know why. I’m on day two of four off. Finally relaxing. Should be calm and at peace. I’m just unhappy. My girl says I’m used to being active, even if I don’t like what I’m doing. Smart cookie. Going to the author panel last night was eye-opening. Interacting with people around a shared passion. It’s been too long. I can see the need for new experiences and people and places. This will take a bit of courage. I’ve been a hermit for so long.

Whatever your reason, thanks. You have yours, and I’ll keep exploring mine. Maybe one day, years from now I’ll actually know something worth sharing.

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